Tag Archives: story needadvice

I Need Some Advice

12 Apr

I’m working on a story and I need feedback so I’ll know to keep writing or to trash it. It’s about a high school girl who keeps having weird dreams about mystical creatures. She falls in love with a guy who is a vicious yellow eyed canine who is in all of her dreams.

          I was scared to death as I ran down the dark alley behind the corner store. My eyes were blood shot and my face was covered in perspiration. I had no idea why I was running and I had no idea why I was so scared. Something in my head kept saying, “He’s going to get you! Don’t stop!” What was I running away from? Or who was I running away from? The streets were dark and bare. I began to run out of breath as I got to the end of Willery Road, a street that has a horrific history. A history of violence, death, and imminent betrayal. I came to a stop and coughed up some green fluid. What is this? I thought. It was thick and slimy. My chest was too tight, I couldn’t run anymore. I wiped the excess fluid off of my mouth and turned around slowly. I heard footsteps, but where were they coming from? I made a full circle where I was standing but I didn’t see anyone or anything. My body began trembling. I had no idea what to do. There was nowhere to go nor was there anyone to talk to. A low growl took over my ears that made my heart jump. All around me was fog that had appeared in an instant. The growl had become louder. I stood in the street as still as I could get, too scared to make a move. “Who’s there?” I called out into the fog. I received no answer, just another growl. “What do you want?” I asked. Still no response. I heard the growl again, this time with the footsteps. They were heavy footsteps, nonhuman footsteps. My heart started beating fast and my chest got tighter. I wanted to run away but felt I couldn’t. Something was keeping my feet planted on the ground. The growl and the footsteps got louder and closer. I opened my mouth to scream, but before I could, I was face to face with a hairy beast. A vicious beast with red pierced eyes and razor sharp fangs. His eyes pierced into my soul. Tears of weakness and freight rolled down my face. The beast growled its loudest growl and took a big bite of my arm. I screamed.

          I had awakened in the middle of the night panting, terrified of the dream that had just occurred but glad to be alive and awake. I have been having that dream every night for the passed week. The reason why is unknown. I moved my hair out of my face and pulled the covers off of me. I stood up and looked into the mirror that sat right across from where I was standing. My entire face was red and hot. What is happening with me? I asked myself. I figured a glass of water would help me cool off. I went down the stairs quietly trying not to wake anyone in the house. When I got into the kitchen I heard a noise outside of the window above the stove. I froze in my tracks. The hard wood floor started shaking. “Mom!” I yelled. I felt like I was in the same position that I was in during my dream. I heard the noise again, only this time it was louder. What is that? I decided to be brave and walk over to the window. I took a deep breath in and moved the drapes so I could see outside. There was nothing there. As soon as I looked out the window the shaking had stopped. I covered my heart with my hand and turned around. I jumped and froze at the sight of a big black dog with yellow stained eyes. The dog was nothing compared to the vicious beast in my dream. But it was still scary. I forced my eyes closed and when I opened them the dog disappeared. Something really weird was happening and I had no idea why.

This is just the prologue. Would it be too similar to Twilight?